Ten years ago I was still in my late teens. I struggled with many things, like many teenagers does. Some are still present today even though I no longer feel overwhelmed or controlled by these aspect. At least, that’s what I’d like to believe.
Can you truly be in control of said aspects?
Well, the answer is yes, you can, but you must also accept that some days you will feel like having no control at all. It will be roller coaster from hell but you’ll get through it eventually.
Ten years ago I carried a lot of anger. A lot of hatred. I blamed everything and everyone for it. In retrospect, I realize that anger and hatred was towards myself.
Teenage years can be confusing enough by itself but when you also feel that your very existence and view on the world is ‘wrong’ and that there is something wrong with you because of today’s society it will often make things worse.
I was born and raised ‘straight’ if that’s even a thing.
I have relatives that sadly feels the need to fit the stereotypical family. It’s not their fault, I can’t blame them because they see the world differently. I don’t think it’s because of hatred or such but because it basically was and still is the only thing they know. Indirectly, they made sure to that I felt different, like an outcast, but when that’s all they know and the only view they have ever had it takes time for people to accept that there are no right and wrong.
Today, all I can say is that it took a long time to realize what it was that made me feel different.
My first crush, my first kiss and the first one ever to leave a dark pit in my heart.
Never thought it was wrong but I never told anyone about it either.
I’ve never really felt fully comfortable in my body but I also don’t mind being assigned the gender I was given at birth.
I just want the things that make this given gender less visible.
Now, telling that to individuals that don’t understand, individuals that I care about, individuals I want to be able to be myself around.
That’s the issue.
Some people judge because they lack the ability to be open to things that they might not be able to grasp.
Here’s the thing.. In the end it doesn’t matter what people think.
I am who I am. I like who I like. I dress, act and feel the way I do.
I’m just being me.
Be yourself to the fullest and the right people will love you.
Be someone else and the wrong people will accept you.
We come in many different shapes and sizes, and we need to support each other and our differences. Our beauty is in our differences.