Halfway Through the Closet.

After a lot of thinking and consideration I’ve decided to write this blog post even though I’ve already written about most of it already.

Here I go I guess.

Hello.
My name is Kester Muiredac.
This name is a name I originally created for a story I’m working on and ended up adopting the name.
I’m not using my real name because I like to keep my personal life person to some extent. I like to share want I feel comfortable sharing on my own terms.

I’m a Scandinavian writer and photographer on a hobbyist basis. I don’t write or take pictures for a living. I do it because it’s something I truly enjoy doing.
I wouldn’t mind being able to one day make it a living but I’d probably spend the money I earned from it on another project of mine and use the money I’d earn from my job on myself.

Here’s when I’ll be repeating myself a bit.

I ‘came out’ to my family (blood relatives and friends) around 5 years ago. While most of them accepted it (since there’s nothing more to it) some made it like I was sick or just ignored it in general but I felt relieved. At least I know that some of them always will have my back and to who I can speak to about anything.

After opening up about it I also learned why I find it difficult to be fully open about certain things in my life.

I have never liked my voice much. The younger version of myself always thought it was too much like a male and while I may have the hips of a female and some feminine traits face wise I never liked the way I looked because I wasn’t looking enough like a female. I was raised in the stereotypical gender model (Female or male) but when I compared myself to other people of the same birth given gender I felt misshapen.

I’ve never been much of a talker in public, my voice is weak because of low self-esteem, but when I talk I seem to automatically try to make my voice more high-pitched. It never made much of a difference and now I’ve decided that it’s enough. I’m slowly trying to figure out how my real voice sounds like. It’s difficult when you’ve spent half of your life hating it and slowly manufactured a new one.

Now, for the first time in years I actually like my voice when I don’t change it. I still have to focus on not doing it because it has become a habit.

I’m more comfortable in my own body than I ever have been and I hope that the ones I care about notice it. All I can say for those who think it’s wrong that I dress gender neutral is accepted it or walk away. I won’t spend another second in my life to change how I feel just to make people feel comfortable for a reason such as gender and identity.

I dress the way I feel comfortable and like who I like.

‘Label’ introduction:

My name is Kester or Kes if you like. I’m a bisexual genderfluid writer and photographer that want to spread laughter, smiles and hope to the community.

“Be yourself, always. There’s no one who can do it better. You are unique”.

 

~Kester

 

 

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