Social Anxiety

anxiety

©Kester Muriedac.
This picture can be used but not be sold for profit.
Please share the link to where this picture has been used. I’d truly appreciate it.

I’m no doctor or therapist. I don’t have a degree or education in general when it comes to psychology.
I’ve been lucky enough to be able to control my anxiety in some situation. Yes, lucky. My anxiety is something I can ignore while I’m at work. I need to. There’s so many that is unable to do that. Not because they don’t want to because they do.
In the beginning when the anxiety controlled me I wouldn’t eat for a day or two because even though I was hungry the thought of going to a grocery store terrified me.
The thought of seeing and meeting people. The thought of talking.
At times it was enough that I heard people talking outside and it felt like my heart were about to beat out of my chest and my body to start trembling out of fear.
I didn’t seek help.
I didn’t ask for help.
I kept it a secret for as long as possible.
Even at work there are certain situation where the anxiety kicks in and try to take control.
How do I control it?
It took me a while to do but by planning simple aspects of the day beforehand.
If I know when I have work I can prepare myself mentally.
“Tomorrow I work said shift. I need to wake up at said time, take a shower and then relax an hour or two before my shift starts”.
I plan everything a day before. Do I need to go to the grocery before work? Do I need to go outside for any reason before work?
If there’s unplanned events where I need to talk I often find myself trembling, not getting enough oxygen, my mouth feels dry like sandpaper. In such situation I make sure I have water or coffee nearby that I can drink. If someone notice that my hands or entire body is trembling I lie and say that I feel cold. If I’m sweating I say that it’s just because the temperature inside or outside is high. What if both happens? Well, then I usually say that I think I’m about to get sick. Lie and say that I haven’t felt well for a day or two.
I always make sure to have an excuse, or lie if you want, prepared for various situations.

Don’t suffer alone. Don’t hide.
Don’t let the stigma of mental illness stand in your way of happiness.
Telling or being told to ‘cheer up’ or ‘get themselves together’.. Yeah, it doesn’t work like that. You don’t tell someone with asthma to take a deep breath. It’s not a light switch. It don’t work like that. Smiling and acting happy doesn’t automatically make the person happy.
I can’t speak for everyone but if I get told to cheer up I feel worse. I feel worthless. I wish smiling cured it all but it don’t. Not for me at least.

And for that it is worth, I believe in you.
I care.

~Kes

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